*proceeds to YAWN*...
I was about to crawl into bed yesterday around midnight when I received a call from a friend whom I have not met up with for the last few months or so.
She was clearly in distressed as she was sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn’t really make sense of what was wrong but I managed to catch a few words here and there. Something about them arguing, something something ex-girlfriend, something something fighting…
So I thought no big deal, just normal couple arguing/fighting but since I’m such a *cough* good friend *cough*, I immediately got dressed and dragged my husband to follow me to go over to her place…
Before I managed to ring her doorbell in front of her apartment, she stormed out to greet me…
I was totally stupefied, standing there looking stunned when I saw her and so was my husband!
When she said they were fighting, she was seriously NOT KIDDING at all…
There she was standing, tears streaming down her face and there was blue black bruises all over her face and body…
Apparently she suspected the bf was still having an affair with his ex-gf and when she confronted him, that motherfucker actually punched and kicked her around!
Well, the thing is, at the point of moment, I felt I was in a dilemma. I was not too sure what I was supposed to say/do as a friend.
Should I tell her to just ditch the son-of-a-bitch for good or to just shut the fuck up and offer her my ears instead?
So while contemplating what I should do, I started probing her the most obvious questions.
"When did he started beating you?"
"Is this the first time?"
She said yes…
I was NOT entirely convinced.
I asked her again, this time looking her directly in the eye…
And as expected she finally blurted out that this was not the first time. In fact it has been going on since March and they have only dated for roughly a year or so…
My other half immediately suggested if she wanted to file a police report. I just kept quiet. My friend then nodded her head in between sobs.
Again, I was NOT convinced (call it the women's instinct…)
I repeatedly asked her whether this was what she really wanted.
She then burst out crying again…
She confessed she still loved him very much and does not have the heart to see her beloved scum-back getting arrested.
So in the end I just stayed up with her all night trying to console her and told her to really reconsider if she really wanted to continue being with him...
SIGH…
See, I’ve learnt from experience that being too truthful sometimes aka playing the Good Samaritan role when it comes to some other people’s relationship no matter what the issue is will often backfire back on you. And hey, I’m speaking via experience...
I’ remembered that I’ve blogged about this before a couple of years ago before I quit the blogging scene. So now that I’m picking up again, I’ll just summarize the story…
- Once upon a time in a land far-far away…
- I caught my friend M’s bf cheating on her with another girl while I was in a shopping mall. Both the bf and the other girl were NOT being discreet about displaying affection in public when I saw them.
- I was advised by someone to just ignore but being the stubborn-headed bitch that I was
ahem-still am, I went ahead and told my friend. - The couple argued, tears were shed, my friend thanked me for opening my big mouth, yada yada…only initially…
- They then got back together and lived happily ever after…
- And the next thing I knew, they then developed something new in common and that I was the common enemy...
- From being the stubborn-headed bitch, I ended up becoming the stupid-busy-body bitch and our friendship was totally ruined.
- Like yay!
End of story…
*proceeds to YAWN again*
The thing with relationships is that it is a VERY complicated subject. It is a matter of the heart and therefore people can do stupid things, make stupid decisions in the name of love…
As an outsider we may think certain decisions/actions made/taken are wrong for a couple, bla bla bla… … unfortunately whatever our opinions are, they do not really matter because the keyword here is ‘OUTSIDER’…and therefore it will NOT score you any brownie points, at all...
So morale of the story is, don’t become too kay-poh-chee by interfering too much. If you feel you have tons of advice to give to the point it is overflowing, trust me, just shove them back up your own arse and instead just ‘LISTEN’ and be sympathetic and just accept
Like this friend of mine, deep down I know she will go back to his arms again when he comes over begging for forgiveness, shower her with presents, profess his undying love and tell her he will change and never ever again lay another finger on her.
Sure but I also know deep fucking down that one or two months down the road, he will forget his promises and will continue to beat her up again…Probably the only thing he will change is his method of beating the shit out of her - like this time punch left eye, next time punch right eye :(
I can only hope that she will eventually wake up herself, realized that she definitely deserves to be treated better and with more respect and then ditch the bastard for good…
As for the other friend of mine M and her cheating bf, as far as I know, they still live happily ever after, just NOT with each other …
P/S: At the moment, my head is hurting due to lack of sleep, I feel like I've just been hit by a monstrous truck! :(
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5 Go ahead. Throw some chocolates at me ...:
OMG, your friend is so pitiful yet so dumb!!!!! You're right though for not interfering, else who knows when they get back together, he might beat you up
Some guys are just plain asshole but there are some girls who are just too naive. Dey keep hoping they are able to change leopards into tame kittens.
wth! and she still wants him????????
lol, if your friend planning to dump the bastard, can intro to me or not? lol! lol!
some what, like you said, call it women's instict or what, I too expected that she would go back to him. And if she did make police report, she would probably blame you and your husband for pursuading her to do so.
You are right, relationship is difficult for 'outsider' to interfere.
But then... THAT is also the reason why in most of the cases, the party affected is the LAST to know. Right or not?
"Oh, my husband cheated on me, and all my friends and relatives knew about it. Why I am the last to find out...?"
It is really hard, isn't it? As a true friend, we thought we have the responsibility to inform our friend, but on the other hand we also risk ruining the friendship. Especially what if they do get back together and really live happily ever after? That would put us as the wicked one, who wants to see drama. :p
I would be the keh-poh-chee like you, unless that person is not my friend, or I care less about him/her.
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